Icky Sticky Feelings

So I’m supposed to be learning how to sit with my feelings.,  You know, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, all that jazz.  My therapist explained to me after I told her that I tried sitting with my feelings and felt stupid, that I am the opposite of most others in the DBT group.  She does not know this for certain, she is basing her opinion of averages.  A lot of people go into a group like this because they can’t contain themselves, can’t contain their sadness, their anger, their rage.  My problem is that I’m too controlled.  I’m bottled up so tightly that the second I start to feel something I run for the hills.  I don’t really feel comfortable with sadness and I certainly don’t do anger.

However, through my healing journey, that’s what people call it right?  Through this journey I’ve discovered that others contain these feelings for me.  I’ve decided that it isn’t really fair that my insiders have to carry that shit all the time.  God knows I would hate it.  And they are part of me, so I can only imagine they hate it too.  A topic for inner discussion one of these days.

I’m learning more and more about how to have these discussions with the insiders.  Not everyone is willing to participate yet but you can tell there is some curiosity there. Shhh… don’t tell them I said that. Ha! As if I could hide it.

Anyway, here I am….  sitting….  with no feelings.  Weird.


2 thoughts on “Icky Sticky Feelings

  1. It’s really great your doing this work PPP. It’s just been this last year that ive been able to get in touch with feelings (consciously), or maybe it’s more that my insiders are willing to share them with me. It definitely comes with having more disscussions with those inside and getting to know each other. Also, safety is huge. I wonder how safe your insiders are feeling now that you’ve been away from the bad guys this long.. you said 2 years right? Anyhow you’re heading in a good direction.. keep at it!

    1. Thanks IP. Your words are encouraging. I have been feeling more safe as time goes on. I hope that is translating into internal safety. Of course trips back home kind of rekindle that mistrust and need for protection. But even that has been better handled over the last couple of trips. I guess part of me, as ppp, is afraid of letting the emotions get too big. I don’t want to be rendered non-functioning and turn into a complete basket case. My therapist tries to assure me that this likely would not be the case as I have such practice at shutting things down when it’s gets to be that way. But there is always the what if? You know? Anyway, thanks for the comment.


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