I was on my own for a while. I moved to a new place that was more affordable on my own. It was a nice apartment. I sought the advice of a lawyer through legal aid. He was a nice young man who wanted to help. The divorce was simple really. We did not have much to split up. My ex had taken the time while I was in the hospital to divide up our things into what was hers and what was mine. We divied up the furniture and the stuff. It’s amazing how you can dismantle a life so easily. We lived together for nearly 6 months after she told me she was leaving so she could get herself settled in her new life. It was hell. I would often cry and she would just roll her eyes and berate me. We learned to ignore each other to the best of our abilities. Most of our interactions consisted of her telling me she was NOT going to pay support as I had not earned it. I said nothing. I took the abuse and said nothing. It was a terrible place to be.
My friends were supportive of me. They tried to cheer me up as much as was possible. I learned how to live life on my own. I helped to support a friend who went through a life threatening illness. Later I found myself a job. It was the kind of job I had never done before and I was excelling. I started to feel a little more human. All the while I was in therapy. I was dealing with grief over the loss of my marriage. I was dealing with self harm thoughts. I was dealing with insiders that didn’t really know what was going on. But I was dealing.
I decided a year later that it was time for me to start meeting people and crawling out of my hole a bit. But how to do this? So I started online. I found a chat room for lesbians and went in there. I met some nice people. I met some crazy people too. Eventually I met the woman I’m going to marry. At first it was a casual friendship. Then it became a friendship with attraction. Then a relationship based on trust, friendship and attraction. Here we are 3 years later, and I’m engaged to be married to a wonderful woman.
Two years ago I started having health issues. Just little things here and there. None of it turned out to be too serious but it involved invasive medical tests that were quite triggering for me. I started to miss work. I started having more and more anxiety. When I’m anxious I tend to switch more often. This was not a good recipe for my work life. The office was in upheaval as well with people leaving and being stressed out. After taking a leave and going back for a brief time I decided that the office was too toxic for me to return.
I didn’t work for about 8 months when I decided to get back into the workforce with the support of my partner. I thought I’d get back into retail because I thought it would be easy and mindless. Boy was I wrong! My anxiety reflexes kicked in big time and made it very difficult to attend. I managed to scrape by for three months until I needed to take some time off. Which is where I’m at now. On leave and supposed to be considering going back in a few weeks. I’m not sure what to do. But that’s for another post.
I think I’m done updating in a general way. I’m going to post this as it is. I hope you are doing well on your own journey and if you aren’t…. well…. I offer you a place to sit a while.