I found something today that I wrote about 12 years ago. Long before I had any clue that I was dissociative. Or at least before I knew what to call the experiences that I have. It held a lot of meaning for me back in those days but since realizing that I have parts it takes on even more. I thought some of you might be able to relate to it. So here you go….
Okay…. Breathe. That’s all that is required of you. The rest will take care of itself. Sitting alone tonight,
a few doors have strayed open in the emptiness and silence. You say, I must fill it, I must avoid the void.
But bravery insists on trying to make a stand. Go on, go ahead. The dark is just a space waiting to see the light.
Fall into it. To fall is okay. It’s the only way to learn how to fly. Just feel the breeze. The cool, dark air.
It’s there not to give you a chill. It’s there to strip away your defenses. It will work for you. Let go of the edge.
It’s much too dangerous to stay off-balance like that. Choose to go over the edge. There’s much more waiting there for you.
You’ve been on that side long enough. You know it well. You know it so well you will not forget it. You will bring it with you.
We all know living on the edge is bad for your health. Most people think we should crawl back to safety.
You know you must leap out into the unknown. It’s there just waiting for you. You hear it calling, I know you do.
You see the water down there. You see the reflection. All those faces, that’s all they are. Just reflections.
Memories of a time you lived through. Remember those faces; remember you did LIVE through them. You survived.
You were afraid, you were sad, you were strong in your weakness. You lived. I’m so proud of those things. You have experienced it
. You’ve learned; you’ve faced it. Now you can feel it. The reflections on the water, they are on the surface down there.
When you dive in, they’re gone You can’t see them from the other side. From the underneath it is a beautiful, clear, sunny sky.
But don’t worry . Everyone can see the reflections. And when they lean over the edge to see you dive in
and wonder how you can do that, they see their own reflection among all the others. They SEE.
You can not hide from your reflection as they can not hide from their reflection. And the water brings a clarity.
It is a clear vision into each of our souls. |When you do right, your reflection shows. And when you do wrong it remains.
They see, they know, they will not forget. They have to face their own reflection. You think your memory is so long.
You think you can not escape your past. You’re right. The past is not a hindrance. It does not now, nor will it ever
block your way to your present or your future. It will carry you there. It will boost you up on the shoulders of knowledge.
Forever building higher and higher. Your memory is not long. You don’t remember the tears rolling down your face.
How those tears must make your eyes shine so bright. Those eyes. How they’ve shown you so much. Those eyes,
how they connect right to your heart. This heart that carries so much weight. It must be awfully strong by now.
It must be so ready to start feeling all that your eyes have shown it. How lucky you are. Those tears that you knew before.
Before you turned to hang onto the edge. They are still there. They fell into the water. They are there waiting for you.
They are there to help you and cushion your fall. That’s why the reflections show in them. Go to them. Your hands must be so tired.
So sore and scarred from hanging onto that edge. Go find your tears in the water down there.
Dive in. Let go. Fall.