So I received some news this past week that I haven’t shared yet. My therapist tried contacting a colleague of hers to see if she had any experience treating someone with DID. Her colleague did not but pointed out that there is a new psychiatrist in town that specializes in trauma. My therapist just happens to have other clients that go to this psychiatrist so she felt comfortable enough contacting her about me, minus the revealing details of course. IT turns out that the new psychiatrist worked in a large city and was involved in a women’s program that dealt extensively with trauma which inevitably included patients with DID. Imagine that! A psychiatrist in our little city with such experience. It’s like winning the lottery in a way. My therapist was glad to find this out so she set up a referral for me. The new psychiatrist has agreed to do a consultation to see if she’d be willing to take me on as a full-time client. She is now in private practice which allows her to be selective about her caseload giving her more control over her schedule. I understand this. I just find it quite miraculous that I’ve finally found someone who has seen this disorder before.
My current therapist is a social worker with 20 years under her belt dealing with all manner of things. She understands trauma and has been really good for me so far. The new psychiatrist indicated that she would only consider taking me on if I was fairly stable and had a good sense of grounding and being present. So my current therapist and I are working on making sure I have the grounding down pat. As we went through a few techniques together I was actually surprised at how much I knew already. Of course knowing it intellectually and putting it into practice are two totally different things.
Anyway, I’m very excited about this new development. It will likely take a couple of months to get the actual appointment but that’s better than the years I waited for my current treatment. I’m so very thankful for my current therapist. If you are reading this… please know that.
Until next time,
So I had therapy yesterday. It was a good session. We actually laughed quite a bit. We talked about all the skills I’ve learned with a focus on distress tolerance. I’m coming to the end of my group. I will have been through all the modules when we finish this current one. My therapist asked me if there were any skills I thought I needed more work on. I said of course, there’s always room for more learning. So I’ve decided to go through group for a second time. It’ll be a reason to get out of the house if nothing else.
Then we got serious. My therapist said “I don’t know your whole story and I haven’t been pushing it because it wasn’t the most important thing.” She said she’ll let me make the decisions on how I want to tell her, what I want to tell her, and how much I want to tell at a time. So it’s time.
I think I’m ready. I think I’m going to start from the beginning and just spill out all the parts that I know. I think I’m going to be okay with doing this. Maybe I’ll show her some old journal entries where I talk about memories and that way I won’t have to say it or write it down again. Then there is the point that maybe if I write it down again it will help to process it more.
What do you guys think? Do you have a particular way that you’ve found helpful or easier maybe, to talk about the memories you do have? Let me know what your thoughts are.
Sometimes the only things that can be translated in your mind are through pictures instead of words. Words simply can’t convey the power or intent behind our wants and needs. So I’ve resorted to drawing on more than one occassion. I wanted to include this specific drawing as a symbol of me reaching out to the world. Here I am, being vulnerable, being open, being honest and I lend my hand to you, my readers. I hope that you will reach for it in times of trial and in times of triumph.
Take care of yourselves,
I seem to be bumping up against some no talk rules as I try and make new posts to this blog. I wonder where they are coming from. I wonder who is feeling threatened. I wonder if this was a bad idea. i want so much to be able to put my thoughts down here but I am unable to get the words out of my mind and through my fingertips. Anyone out there have some suggestions?