Posts Tagged ‘interpersonal effectiveness’

So we’re talking about interpersonal effectiveness in group right now.  Two long words to describe how to get what you need and want.  Or conversely you can describe it as how to say no to what you don’t need or don’t want.  Other words you can use are how to manipulate a situation to your best advantage. 

The facilitator of my group said that manipulate doesn’t have to be a bad word.  I had a hard time swallowing that at first.  But then I looked at it another way.  I guess in a manner of speaking we are manipulating the world around us all the time.  Scheduling what we’ll do when, who we’ll see, who we won’t.  We work towards gaining the things we want, plan what to get rid of or ignore.  All of these things are a kind of manipulation.  I think when it becomes a bad word is if you are subversive about it, or hurtful and deceitful

We all maneuver through our lives.  Some of us are very skillful.  We’ve learned highly adaptive ways of dealing with the world while others of us have not been so fortunate.  The fact that the brain can be changed, molded and in some cases stunted leaves us all vulnerable.  An abused person develops completely different from a non-abused person.  A loved person has certain advantages over an unloved person.  That is not to say that we can’t overcome obstacles planted in our way.  In fact it means quite the opposite.  We can train or manipulate our brain chemistry by learning and practicing a new way of being. We can work hard at finding different ways to handle the trials of our lives.  We can adjust our course, choose a new journey, and seek a smoother path.  The best thing to do is find support, find information, and find all of the things you need to accomplish whatever goals you set for yourselves.  Manipulate the world around you in an honest, gentle way and be kind to yourself.

So manipulate away.  It’s not such a bad word after all.

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So today I had group. It’s a DBT group.  We are currently talking about interpersonal effectiveness.  It’s not the first time I’ve gone through this module.  I think I have a pretty firm grasp on how to ask for what I need and how to say no to unreasonable requests.  But it becomes a matter, once again of how this will be interpreted by the insiders.

Scratch all that.  We don’t want to talk about that.  What’s really on our minds is grief.  Stupid grief.  Who wants to think about grief?  not me, not the rest of us.  But there it is anyway.  There have been many deaths in the family in the past 8 months.  It sucks.  One was our cousin, one was our grandma and one was our uncle.  Not even the bad uncle, a good uncle.  It makes us very sad sometimes.  especially our grandma.  She was like Mrs. Claus.  She looked like her and everything.  She was nice and she loved us and she had rosy cheeks.  We have a statue that she kept in her house of her old dog.  We loved that dog too and he died.  But we have his statue so we don’t miss him so much.

We have our own dog.  SHe is a beagle.  And  we have two cats.  One is plump and one is skinny  The skinny one has diabetes so she has to have shots.  But it doesn’t hurt her too much.  Our dog is very cute.  SHe sleeps a lot and she likes to play at the dog park. She really likes to play in the snow which is a good thing because we have a lot of snow in the winter in our new home.  Well not in our home, but in our city, outside.  You know what I mean.

Anyway I just wanted to say that we are sad sometimes because there has been too many people dying and now our dad is sick.  But he has been sick for a long time and he said he’s not going to die anytime soon.

So that’s all right now.

Some of us.