Have any of you esteemed readers out there learned to call on your insiders for help? I mean, for me they come and take over when my distress is too high or some other emotion is becoming intolerable. But I’d really like to learn how to stay more present in these situations. That’s the goal really. To stop with the lost time already! It gets pretty scary sometimes when you realize you’re miles away from your home and you don’t remember the trip.
I want to have that feeling of continuity that others seem to have. I look back at my life and if I see everything clearly enough it’s like a patchwork with missing pieces. There is not a complete work of art. I wonder what it looks like for the insiders. Do they see the complete picture? Is theirs even more sparse and skewed than mine? I suppose it would be for those that only have a very specific purpose, a specific job. But i wonder how many have the ability to be co-conscious, and if being co-conscious ultimately means having the full picture.
Then I start to really think about what I’m asking for. The whole picture. This picture is going to have some pretty ugly parts. some parts that are gruesome and hurt to look at. But at this point in time, I think I would rather see the whole, ugly gruesome thing than to have all of these empty spaces.
For those of you that have recovered the pieces have you found it to be a better way of being? I know that it’s an arduous process and so painful to finally realize the full scope of the harm that has befallen us, but is it better? If it isn’t than what really is the point? What is the goal? What does healing mean?
Do you have a definition of what being healed means for you?